


Pain comes in a pair

by iamglassfandom88



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Cheating, Infidelity, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun & Suh Youngho | Johnny Are Best Friends, M/M, Married Characters, Minor Character(s), Minor Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Nakamoto Yuta, Past Relationship(s), Suh Youngho | Johnny-centric, hurt johnny suh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 00:56:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28591380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamglassfandom88/pseuds/iamglassfandom88
Summary: ‘Johnny, can you please call me? I really need you to call me back! Please call me back! Or come home, can you come home? Please come home or call me please!’ Taeyong felt frantic, phone to his ear as he spoke, moving past Jaehyun back into the living area and into Johnny’s home office.The walls were bare of pictures, certificates and awards Johnny had won, his desk empty-no matter how many draws Taeyong opened. All his documents, papers, his computer, his things gone. Taeyong ended another unanswered call to Johnny, rushing into their bedroom. Every cupboard, drawer, wardrobe was opened and Taeyong knew just with a glance that Johnny’s clothes were all missing. And on the dresser, his jewellery and products were missing too.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Nakamoto Yuta, Lee Taeyong/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Mark Lee/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 16
Kudos: 76





	Pain comes in a pair

**Author's Note:**

> I only worked a day on this, and edited it within 3 hours so I don't know how it's going to be or whether anyone will like it.  
> I've had this idea in my head for a while and needed to write it down and thus this fic was born!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own the boys (obviously) but this is my own story, my own made character personalities and events, NONE OF IT’S REAL. Thank you.
> 
> Please enjoy, and feel free to comment! :)

‘Shhh, you dummy, people might hear you!’ Taeyong laughed against Jaehyun’s shoulder as the other man’s arm wrapped snug around his waist and side. ‘What? It isn’t my fault that your laugh is loud and _very_ high pitched.’ The smaller man gave him a small smack against the stomach, moving away from his hold to rifle through his back to find his keys. ‘Excuse me Sir but you happen to like when my noises are _loud and high pitched._ ’ Jaehyun tilted his head back up to meet his eyes, ‘Oh I sure do baby.’ Pressing one fairly suggestive kiss to his lips, before releasing Taeyong to continue finding his keys. 

He found them, with a triumphant sound holding them up to show the other man, a small grin on his face as he also slipped a ring back onto his fourth finger, before turning serious as he turned to put the keys into the lock. ‘You remember what to say don’t you?’ Hearing a scoff from the other, he looked back at him. ‘Of course I know what to say– I’m not an idiot Taeyong.’ The hard look melted from his face, quickly looking around the corridor and at the door before locking his lips with the others, ‘I know, I’m sorry. Forgive me?’ He pouted. Jaehyun smiled, leaning to press another long intense kiss to Taeyong’s lips, ‘Yeah always will; you’d better open the door before he comes looking for us.’ 

Taeyong nodded, finally turning to push the door open, plastering a smile on his face as he called out, ‘Johnny, I’m home! And I’ve bought a surprise guest with me, Jae’s here!’ 

There was silence. The hallway was dark; Jaehyun flipped the light switch on, ‘Johnny, are you home?’ The two of them shared a look as they toed their shoes off, putting them in their places on the rack– not even sparing a look down as they did so. ‘Johnny? Babe are you home?’ Maybe he was just in the bathroom, Taeyong thought, walking further into their apartment. All the lights were off in the kitchen and living room, not normal if Johnny was home from work. ‘He must still be working if he's not back yet, I’ll give him a ring in a few minutes so that we know when he’s coming home again.’

Taeyong flipped a few switches on, the apartment suddenly coming into light, as he moved across the room to throw his coat onto a chair, dropping his bag on the floor beside it before heading back into the kitchen. Jaehyun was looking around, there was something different about the room, but he couldn’t place what, for a while as he also removed his coat, jumper and bag; ‘Yong, did you move that photo of us three from the wall?’ There was a small crash of pans in the kitchen before Taeyong popped his head out the door, a dishcloth in his hands. ‘What did you say?’ Jaehyun motioned to the wall, ‘I asked whether you moved the picture of the three of us?’ Taeyong looked briefly and shook his head, ‘No, but perhaps Johnny did, I had said that I wanted to move it into the office with the other ones so maybe Johnny’s done that earlier before he left.’

He smiled and blew a kiss to Jaehyun before dipping back into the kitchen.

Taeyong wasn’t very worried, there had been many times where Johnny had come home later than normal after a long day but the fact that he hadn’t had any messages from him to say so had been strange, however, he didn’t dwell on it and just set about making dinner for the three of them using whatever ingredients they had left in the fridge, freezer and the larder. Taeyong needed to remind Johnny that they needed to go shopping tomorrow if they wanted food in the house.

There were some radish, cabbage, sweet potatoes, lotus root and lots of spinach to use up so Taeyong got busy cutting those, humming under his breath while Jaehyun moved around doing whatever in the living room, waiting for Johnny to come back. Johnny could cook some things, but most of the time it was Taeyong in the kitchen but if there was one thing that Johnny excelled at making, it was vegetable omelettes! They were always so good and Taeyong never could recreate them like he did them but he’d given it a go many times much at his expense. After he’d finished peeling the sweet potatoes, he found a few spots on each one that looked like they were beginning to go bad so he cut them off, trying to keep as much of the good part as he could get away with.

Taeyong had opened the bin to throw away the wasted vegetables when he saw some pieces of paper in there which had Taeyong feeling confused, as both he and Johnny put paper waste in the recycling bin so he wasn’t sure what it was doing in the other bin. He put the vegetable pieces back on the chopping board, quickly wiping his hands on a tea towel before reaching in to grab them, glad they were only balanced on top of everything else in there. Taeyong turned them over, expecting work papers that had been put there on accident but looking at them– Taeyong’s heart dropped, ‘Jae, come here now!’ He dropped the papers on the side, digging into his pocket to pull out his phone, fingers and breath shaking as he pulled up his contacts. ‘What’s wrong? Do you need some...help…’ Jaehyun had entered the room, a smile on his face falling as his eyes dropped to the pictures on the table.

Pictures of the three of them. Pictures of Johnny and Taeyong. Pictures of Johnny and Jaehyun. One picture stood out the most, it had been on the wall in the living room, the smiling, joyful picture of the three of them together, on the day of Johnny and Taeyong’s wedding.

‘Johnny, can you please call me? I really need you to call me back! Please call me back! Or come home, can you come home? Please come home or call me please!’ Taeyong felt frantic, phone to his ear as he spoke, moving past Jaehyun back into the living area and into Johnny’s home office. The walls were bare of pictures, certificates and awards Johnny had won, his desk empty-no matter how many draws Taeyong opened. All his documents, papers, his computer, his things gone. Taeyong ended another unanswered call to Johnny, rushing into their bedroom. Every cupboard, drawer, wardrobe was opened and Taeyong knew just with a glance that Johnny’s clothes were all missing. And on the dresser, his jewellery and products were missing too. 

He sank down onto their bed, sitting with his eyes blankly staring around the room, at the half empty wardrobe, void of Johnny’s elegant clothes gifted to him through his modelling agency, his sporty gym gear he’d bought, the old raggedy, t-shirts and sweatpants from their college days that Taeyong wouldn't let him throw out because they were comfortable. All gone. 

Every gift Taeyong had given him was thrown on the bed behind him, books, DVD’s, shirts, a belt or two, pieces of jewellery, bottles of cologne, polaroid's, cards ripped in two– anything Taeyong had ever given him. 

‘Taeyong… I think you might want to come and look at this, because I think it’s for you...’ Jaehyun looked upset, as upset and concerned as Taeyong felt. He stood up, body heavy as he followed Jaehyun back out into the living room room over to the sofa where on the coffee table in front, sat Taeyong’s computer- he hadn’t noticed it until that moment.

There was a single file set up on the screen, a video of some kind and Taeyong’s hands wouldn't stop shaking as he clicked the link to play it. 

Johnny looked awful. The recording started with Johnny sitting in the frame and Taeyong was shocked by his appearance. He looked gaunt, unkempt, tired, lifeless– Taeyong had never seen him that way before in the entire time he’d known Johnny. It was frightening how different Johnny looked in the video, his eyes were red and watery, his skin, always a nice bronze colour looked pale in comparison to the light orange wall behind him- his office. He looked barely awake, in a tatty old grey long sleeved top, his hair sticking out in all directions. He looked awful, Taeyong didn’t know how else to describe him.

He heard Jaehyun gasp once Johnny finally started speaking, Taeyong was absolutely horrified himself. _‘This will be the 4th time I’ve tried to record this video, the 4th time, because I keep fucking crying. God! It is January 3rd, 12:30 in the morning and I’m recording this fucking video.’_

He sounded empty, his voice sounded rough, husky but at the same time, low and monotonous as though there was barely anything keeping him speaking. Taeyong was also shocked because he rarely heard Johnny swear and yet here he was having said ‘fuck’ twice in less than 10 seconds.

_‘I’m making this video because I knew that if I tried to do this in person I’d never go through with it but that’s what I want. I want to leave, Taeyong, no, I_ am _leaving Taeyong. I’m finally leaving…’_ Taeyong didn’t know what to think, shocked, unable to process what Johnny was saying that he didn’t heart half of it, _‘You know for a long time I thought we were ok, I thought we were perfect- you were perfect but then you started having extra shifts, or_ ‘shifts’ _that could last a couple of days and I hated myself because I started doubting you, I started doubting my husband, the love of my fucking life and I hated myself for it, so when you were home after those shifts, I spoiled you, I would love you and make love to you because I felt guilty for not trusting you.’_

A tear rolled down Johnny’s cheek and Taeyong’s heart felt heavier.

_'_ _But then there was a day where I had to call the hospital for something I wanted to ask you and the receptionist said that you hadn't been there at all that day, your shift wasn’t until the next day. But you had told me, to my face, that you had a shift that day, you had a shift the night before so you wouldn’t come home that evening.’_

Another tear.  
  


_‘I called your phone a few times after that, I sent you a couple of messages too and when you replied you said that you had been with patients the whole time and hadn’t been able to reply and all the doubt came back. All the hate filled doubt came back and the guilt and you know what– I spoke to Jaehyun about it… I spoke to my best friend about my doubts.’_

Taeyong looked sharply at Jaehyun, who looked dismayed, staring blank at the screen, eyes unmoving.

_'And my best friend reassured me, as any best friend should– that my husband loved me, that my husband probably just wanted to surprise me with something or that he was actually covering for someone else's shift and the receptionist hadn’t known. And I believed him because he was my best friend and he’s never turned me wrong.’_

A sob burst from Johnny, making the two of them jump with panic at how affected, how distressed he looked, tears all over his face, yet not once did he wipe them. 

_‘So I tried to just relax and get over it, I saw a therapist, I focused on my work on the radio station, on the few modelling opportunities I’d been given and I thought it was all ok. I finally got to a place where I felt comfortable believing you and I trusted you again. I finally gained the trust back because I had no reason to not trust you.’_ He released another hiccupped cry. _‘And then I went to Italy for a modelling opportunity.’_

Taeyong felt his breath catch, his chest tightening as he held his breath. He heard Jaehyun do the same.

_‘I asked you if you wanted to come with me, make it a romantic getaway since I knew you had some holiday weeks saved and I was going to be there for a week at most, half working, half holiday. I thought you would want to come with me but you didn’t. You said that you would be taking extra shifts and I believed you and I supported you, even though I wanted you in Italy with me.’_

Johnny wouldn’t look down at the screen, he was looking past the camera as though he was talking straight to a person and not the computer. 

_‘But I only stayed a few days. It wasn’t as good as I thought it was going to be, it ended quickly, the modelling shoots and I missed my husband… So I came home early, 3 days early.’_

Taeyong felt sick to his stomach. He knew what was going to happen, what Johnny was going to say and he felt sick.

_‘I had a couple of presents for you that I bought, that good smelling perfume and the bracelet I gave you. I got it in a nice shop that I thought you would love and I was excited to tell you all about it! I was really excited, I had a smile on my face from the moment the plane touched down back in Korea and I didn’t message you or call you because I wanted it to be a surprise that I was back- I even bought some of the modeling clothes with me as a present and apology from the company for a wasted opportunity.’_

Johnny finally wiped one of his eyes, wet coming away on the sleeve of the top he was wearing.

_‘I could, um, hear noises as I got off the lift but I thought it was just one of the neighbours being very loud because it sometimes happened. But then I started getting closer to our door and the noises got louder and I had this horrible fear creep inside me that it was coming from our door and then I was right outside and it was all I could hear. Noises, moaning and I got angry. Are you surprised Taeyong?– for once I got angry, really fucking angry.’_

He looked at the camera with thinly veiled sarcasm all over his face

_‘I left my things on the landing next to the door and quietly went in. I had in my head that I was just going to burst in– like they do in American films and TV shows, burst in. Get angry. Maybe have a fight with the guy, cause I could hear him screwing you. I could hear you moaning, far louder than with me and it made me angry.’_

Johnny looked angry as he was speaking, a sharp, harsh edge in his tone as he spoke. Something Taeyong had never heard in Johnny’s voice before but then as if nothing had changed, Johnny looked absolutely devastated.

_‘And then I heard you say the guy's name. I heard you say my best friend's name...’_

Taeyong felt like he could be sick, hearing Jaehyun whispering beside him a litany of curses, typing furiously on his phone.

_‘You know Taeyong, there was a chance that I could have forgiven you, a very small chance but then I discovered it was my best friend. My best friend Taeyong? The man I talk to about everything— everything, every doubt I had about you and he was lying to me because he was the one that you were being unfaithful with?’_

He sniffed a few times, looking away from the camera as more tears welled in his eyes.

_‘I threw up in the kitchen sink you know. I threw up in the sink and you didn’t even realise. You didn’t hear me coughing and crying or the water running or when I slammed the front door and ran.’_

Taeyong remembered smelling sour when they’d come out for something to eat after… but he hadn’t heard anything. 

_‘I stayed at a hotel for a few days, spent them all crying and angry and lying to you when you called to_ ‘check in on me in Italy’ _and I felt like such an idiot for pretending I didn't know when I did. I even had to fake it to Jae so that he wouldn’t figure out that I knew and let me tell you something Taeyong. I’ve never lied to Jae, he was my best friend, why would I ever lie to my friend— but I did… just like he’d been lying to me the whole time.’_

Tears wouldn’t stop falling down his face and he wasn’t clearing them away.

_‘You asked me why I was acting strange when I came home finally why I looked strange and I told you it was because I was jet lagged and exhausted, but it was because I had to pretend that I didn’t know, and I’d spent so much time crying and angry at myself and angry at you and angry at Jaehyun that I_ was _exhausted. I was so exhausted. And truthfully, I didn’t know how to act around you anymore, I still don’t but that was four months ago and I just began to hate you, more and more. I don’t want to hate you, but I do and I couldn’t help it.’_

Taeyong felt his eyes filling with tears.

_‘But for the last four months, having to pretend to not hate my best friend was even harder, because he knew every struggle from when I wanted to ask you out on a date to helping us arrange our wedding and you know what. Finding out from one our mutual friends that they knew you were fucking Jaehyun broke me, everyone I considered a friend knew that you two were fucking and I didn’t have a clue. One of them even said that they thought I knew- that you told them we were in an_ open marriage _! An open fucking marriage! Taeyong, when have I ever wanted to share you in the last 15 years of our relationship, the last 8 years of our marriage? When had I ever said that you could fuck my friend? My friend since I was 16 and he was 14. Have sex in my bed, that I then had to sleep in with you? Cause I don’t remember ever saying anything like that at all.’_

He took a few long, deep breaths in and out again.

_‘But you know what, the reason I finally found the strength to finally leave is because you lied to me again Taeyong, right to my face before you left yesterday. You told me that you had a staff retraining course which would last over a period of two days that you would have to stay away from home for. You were lying Taeyong. You forgot to turn your location off, you were with Jaehyun in his apartment, fucking in his bed for a change instead of mine. Over the last four months you’ve done it many times, to go and sleep with him but I never thought you would lie to me two days before our 9th year anniversary. So Happy 9th Anniversary Taeyong… We’re over...’_

Taeyong felt horror wash over him in a tidal wave.

_‘And if Jaehyun is watching this and I guarantee he is, because you will have brought him over for dinner after_ ‘Meeting him outside the apartment building again’. _I just want to say fuck you. You knew how much I fell in love with Taeyong from the moment I met him when I was 18. You knew that I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life cause I told you everything, everything Jae and you’ve broken every ounce of trust I have ever had in either of you. I never thought my closest friend could ever do that to me, in my own house, my own bed, my husband. Wow Jae….you’ve sunk lower than anything I could ever think of. Did you enjoy making a fool out of me? Because it sure feels like it. But you both seemed to forget something- I’m not an idiot, I never was, I just chose to put blind faith in the wrong people.’_

Johnny tuned his head to what sounded like their front door bell, before turning back to face the screen again. The entire time, he’d had his hands below the screen but now Taeyong could see that Johnny’s wedding ring wasn’t on his hand and for a moment, Taeyong couldn't remember the last time he had seen him wearing it. 

_‘In the envelope on the table, you’ll find divorce papers, my keys, my ring. You can keep it, Jae will need the keys, he might even need the ring which is fine because I don’t want to be married to you. The house is yours now so you can do whatever the fuck you want with it. And if I could, I’d say good luck to the both of you but I can’t, not to either of you.’_

He wiped at his eyes hard with his sleeves, pushing his chair back away from the table.  
  


_‘I did just want to say thanks though– Thanks for ruining the two most precious relationships in my life for me, I couldn’t have done it any better than the two of you combined. Congratulations on your fucking relationship.’_

The screen went black, the video ending abruptly, leaving the two men in silence apart from their loud breathing. Taeyong moved his eyes next to the computer where a large official envelope sat on the table, reaching over with shaking hands, he opened it, tipping the papers onto his lap. There was a clang of something falling onto the hardwood flooring, a simple gold band, worn from 8 years of use and two house keys, equally worn in use and Taeyong couldn’t help but cry as he picked them up, clutching them in his closed fists.

He turned to look at Jaehyun, sitting quietly beside him, tears running down his face, just looking at the screen in front of him, as though Johnny would come back again. ‘What did we do Jaehyun? What did I do?’ 

* * *

After Johnny had left, no one could get a hold of him. No one in their friendship group, not even Ten who had been very good friends with Johnny because of their modelling careers. It was almost as though he'd disappeared off the face of the planet, both Jaehyun and Taeyong had been blocked on everything related to Johnny, so had many of their friends since they’d all known about the cheating. None of them blamed Johnny for any of it and all of them had been angry at Taeyong and Jaehyun for lying to both Johnny and them, for making them bad friends. Yuta refused to speak to them after that, same with Lucas. Ten, Taeil and Doyoung were just incredibly disappointed in them both.

Johnny had also quit his job with the radio station, where he’d been working on the same show with Jaehyun. A few days after the fallout of the reveal, Jaehyun had been told that his superior would be joining him to announce something and although Jaehyun had been expecting Johnny to leave the show, he hadn’t expected Johnny to have recorded a final show to be played featuring just him as a final leaving gift for the channel fans. Johnny had sounded so happy and cheerful on the recording that while listening to it Jaehyun had needed to leave after he began to break down, knowing that Johnny must have been breaking inside the entire time.

Jaehyun regretted hurting his closest friend in such a damaging way but he didn’t regret wanting Taeyong and Taeyong felt the same way. They’d spoken once they’d both returned home that evening after their respective jobs. Jaehyun had been in tears after the show and after a lot of crying and a lot of feeling guilty they’d finally come to that thought and it would be time to put it all behind them. Johnny wasn’t going to come back and he wasn’t going to want to speak with them so they needed to get on with their lives

They were right and eventually everything began going back to normal, Jaehyun and Taeyong remained together, although they never created a label for it- that was Taeyong and Johnny who had the labels for their relationship. Taeyong lost himself in working at the children’s hospital, working long hours taking care of them and calming scared kids due for surgery and Jaehyun remained with the radio station, working most days with evenings off to spend at home with Taeyong as they’d moved in together after a few months— A new apartment, Taeyong sold the old one.

Johnny was also doing alright according to what Yuta had told Doyoung, he still wouldn't talk to Jaehyun or Taeyong but he had kept in touch with Johnny along with Lucas, Taeil and Ten after they’d finally made contact with him again. Johnny wasn’t in Korea, something which shocked most of the friend group but he wasn’t in contact with the vast majority of them and most of them didn’t speak anymore. Johnny had gone full time in his modelling career, finding more opportunities outside Korea and from what Doyoung had told them, he was doing incredibly well in the industry and Taeyong felt proud of him for accomplishing all that in the time he’d been gone. There were quite a few of his photos posted inside big, expensive clothing stores and both Taeyong and Jaehyun had found themselves looking at them from time to time if they passed one while out shopping.

The two of them never expected to see him again and were on their way to accepting it however much they wished they could just speak with him and explain and apologise profusely but it wasn’t going to happen and they had to live with it.

* * *

‘What would you like to drink? I’ll pay!’ Taeyong was bouncing as he walked at the prospect of being bought something to drink. ‘Hot chocolate with extra cream and marshmallows! You can’t argue!’ Jaehyun rolled his eyes, but he had an amused smile on his face as he led Taeyong towards a small café across the street. ‘Alright but only this time, I think I’m going to get a latté, nice and warm!’ Taeyong had begun to joke around with Jaehyun about his coffee obsession but wasn’t watching his step, knocking into someone coming out of the café and spilling their drink.

‘Aww shit, I’m so sorry! I wasn’t watching where I was going!’ The man he’d knocked into had dropped his cup on the ground after the hot liquid had spilled on their hand. While Taeyong was fussing around trying to find some napkins in his bag, Jaehyun had offered to pay for another one. ‘No, no, no it’s fine, honestly, I’m fine, my hand is alright. The hot chocolate wasn’t boiling so my hands were fine and I can get my own drink. It's fine.’ Taeyong was still fussing over him a bit, he’d pulled him off to the side of the café entrance, the nurse in him looking for the beginnings of any burns on his hands, ‘I really am fine, I’ve got thick skin as my fiancé says. It honestly didn’t hurt that much!’ 

Taeyong was about to reply when he heard a voice he recognised all too well, ‘Mark baby are you alright? What are you do...doing?' Taeyong looked up sharply, hearing Jaehyun gasp quietly behind him, straight into Johnny’s face. ‘Johnny?’ The voice sounded foreign on his tongue after so long, and said man’s face had hardened instantly, yet all traces of the care he’d heard in his voice were still there when he spoke again, yet not to them, ‘Mark are you alright baby? What happened?’ Baby? Taeyong thought. ‘Yes Johnny I’m fine! I just spilled my drink on my hands but I’m ok. I’ve been saying that to them for a couple of minutes.’ 

Johnny was holding onto the other man’s hands gently, looking at them, before looking into his eyes, ‘You sure? No stinging, nothing?’ The other man looked exasperated slightly ‘Johnny, I promise I’m fine! Honestly, if I wasn’t– I’d be crying! You know me.’ A smile made its way onto Johnny’s face as he chuckled slightly, ‘Ok ok, I believe you. Would you like another hot chocolate? Or do you want to get out of here?’ If Taeyong had any rights, he’d feel hurt at the fact that Johnny so obviously wanted to leave that very moment, but he didn’t. ‘Can I get another hot chocolate please? I never even managed to have a sip of that first one and I was really looking forward to it!’ 

The man had begun pouting up at Johnny (wow that was a height difference!) and Taeyong watched as Johnny just softened against the cuteness the other was displaying. ‘God you make it so hard sometimes to remember that you are 34 years old, you big baby!’ The man smiled at him before looking back at the two of them just standing there, ‘Sorry! I forgot you were standing there, thank you for your help, it was much appreciated. Sorry for interrupting your day.’ Taeyong couldn't help but smile at the younger man as he now knew, ‘It’s no problem, we were just going to get a drink anyway. You haven’t done anything to interrupt our day.’ 

Johnny wasn’t looking at them, he wouldn't even glance their way and Taeyong knew him enough that he knew Johnny was feeling very uncomfortable, and angry too. ‘I’m sorry, I never introduced myself, I’m Mark and this is Johnny.’ He held out his hand to shake, ‘Yes, we, er, actually know Johnny, I’m Taeyong and this is Jaehyun…’ Mark looked from them to Johnny, a look of confusion on his face which melded into one of understanding as he seemed to realise who they were. ‘Oh, that’s cool. Well we won’t hold you any longer, come on Johnny, we might actually miss that train if we wait any longer and I don’t need the hot chocolate now. I’ll make one at home.’ He gave them both a respectful nod, ‘Thank you for the help earlier and I’m sorry for walking into you– bye!’ 

Before either of them could say anything, Johnny was pulling Mark away, with the same long, quick strides he used whenever he wanted to get away from something...Or someone. 

‘I’m not dreaming am I? I did just see Johnny with that man right? There’s no way I’m having one of those weird dreams right?’ Jaehyun asked, watching as Johnny and Mark rounded a corner and out of view. ‘No you weren’t dreaming Jae, I saw him too.’ Taeyong was the first to take his eyes away, pulling Jaehyun gently by the arm into the café, ‘Come on, let’s get a drink and then we can go back home. I’m going to talk to Doyoung, see if he knows that Johnny’s back.’ Jae followed, although he was quieter the rest of the time they were out, most likely thinking about Johnny.

* * *

‘Johnny love, calm down babe! They’re gone, we’re gone, we’re away from them, calm down.’ Mark looked at his fiancé struggling to breathe, standing up against a wall. Johnny was crying, his breaths coming out in quick pants and Mark didn’t know how to help him other than to just be there for him and whisper soothing things to him. Luckily for Johnny’s sake, there wasn’t anyone around at that moment so he was able to cry and get it all out without being seen by someone. 

It took a few minutes before Johnny was able to breathe properly and he’d stopped crying but at the same time, he still didn’t look calm, in fact now he just looked angry and Mark hadn’t seen him like that in a long time. ‘Johnny, are you ok?’ He nodded his head but Mark knew better. ‘Come on babe, let’s go home. I think we should do some more talking, don’t you?’ Johnny sighed as Mark took his hand but nodded anyway, the two of them walking back to their house in silence.

Mark knew what had happened to Johnny all those years ago but Johnny had never said everything and that was simply because at the time, he hadn’t been able to, he’d admitted to Mark then, that he felt far too angry still and didn’t think he could even if he tried; but it seemed now that Johnny might need to tell him, especially after his reaction at the café earlier. 

Once they were both settled on the sofa, Mark questioned him again, just like he’d done 4 years ago after he’d been dating Johnny for a few months; and once again Johnny told him the story, this time including the names of the people who had hurt him and how hurt he had felt throughout that 1st year he’d been in Canada for his modelling job, to meeting Mark for the first time. Johnny was a mess by the time he’d finished speaking, tears and snot all over his face but Mark didn’t care, he just held Johnny as he cried and thought over the people Johnny had told him about and the two people he saw that afternoon. While he was angry for Johnny and hurt on his behalf, he could also see that Taeyong and Jaehyun had some form of regret in them, he’d seen it on their faces, in their eyes as they looked at Johnny, who never looked back.

‘You don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to but I was wondering whether or not you think you would ever be able to forgive them for what they did?’ He kept his voice calm, soft and held onto Johnny so that he couldn’t move away but he didn’t try, didn’t say anything for a little that had Mark thinking that he could have fallen asleep. ‘I don’t know. My best friend and my husband were in a relationship behind my back, all our friends knew but never told me and it broke me. I’m still broken because I can’t trust you as much as you trust me and you know that, I’ve told you that but I still can’t do it and I feel guilty to you, because of it. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to trust anyone like that ever again, other than my parents and it still hurts knowing that. In years to come it might be easier to forgive them but right now, I don’t know.’ He sat up out of Mark’s hold to look him in the eyes, ‘I feel guilty because I’m still so affected by it, even though I’m with you and we’re meant to be getting married next year. I can promise you though, that I no longer love  _ him _ , you know that right?’ 

Johnny looked so wounded after saying all of that, and all Mark could think of was how much he loved him. ‘You are a gorgeous man, you know that right? Of course I know that you no longer love him. If you did you wouldn’t have even begun dating me when you did, I know you Johnny, you’re not like that– you wouldn’t have led me on if you did.’ That brought a smile to Johnny’s face as they both met halfway to give each other a chaste kiss. ‘I love you Mark.’ He chuckled, ‘Yeah I love you too Johnny and I know that when the time comes, you’ll be ready to speak to them and even if it’s just for a moment, I’ll be so proud of you!’ Johnny smiled, before standing up and holding a hand out for Mark to grab, ‘Come on, we’re going to bed, I’m tired and I want cuddles.’ He pulled Mark down the hall and to their bedroom, the younger laughing as they went, ‘How are you four years older than me again?’ 

* * *

‘What do you mean he’s been here for a month!?!’ Jaehyun yelled through their living room at Doyoung who just looked at him uninterested, ‘He’s been here for a month.. That’s all I know. Yuta doesn’t tell me much, especially if it’s information for you two. You should know that by now!’ Taeyong put a hand on Jaehyun’s arm to calm the younger man, ‘Doie, we understand that but how come no one said anything before?’ The other man glared at him, ‘Do you really think that it’s a good idea to try and get involved with him again? After everything you two did to him! Even if I had said something, he has nothing to do with either of you- it’s a wonder he speaks with any of us anymore. You’ve seen him, he looked well, he has a fiancé- you shouldn’t try and get involved again. For the sake of all three of you and all of us!’

Taeyong sighed, ‘Look Doyoung, we just want to apologise, face to face, to once and for all know where we stand with him and then that will be it. We’ve spoken about this many times for any possibility that we might see him again. That’s all we want to do.’ The other man looked hesitant but he just let out a sigh, ‘Ok fine. I’m not saying you actively try and seek him out because even Yuta doesn’t know where they are staying but if you did get the opportunity to speak with him at all, use it well, because I doubt you’d get another chance if you messed that up too.’ Jaehyun made a wounded noise which Doyoung ignored standing up from his chair with a stretch, ‘I’ve got to go, got work in an hour since we’re short staffed and I need a shower. Love you and leave you.’ 

Taeyong showed him to the door, before returning to sit with Jaehyun. ‘If we get the chance, even though I have so much I want to say, I don't know what I would say, other than apologise.’ Jaehyun cut him off, ‘And if that’s all he will listen to?’ Taeyong sighed, ‘Then that’s all I’ll say and hope for the best!’

* * *

‘TAEYONG OPEN THE GODDAMN DOOR!’ is what woke them up, one morning, 3 months later, Taeyong stumbling from their bedroom to unlock and open the door for an overly excitable Doyoung accompanied by a person Taeyong never expected, Yuta. ‘Good morning…?’ Doyoung stopped him from saying anything, a weird kind of smile on his face, ‘Johnny is willing to meet up with you guys!’ Jaehyun stopped dead from where he was walking into the room, ‘Wait what!? What?’ Doyoung nodded, Yuta looking at the both of them steadily, before speaking calmly, ‘He messaged me last night, or Mark did, saying that Johnny was feeling up to going for a drink with Mark and if they happened to see you there… well he wouldn’t run away.’ Doyoung bounced slightly on his feet, ‘They are going to be going to that café you first saw them at, for 11:30 if you want to get going! Taeyong hurry up, go and get ready! It’s 10:45 now you lazy asses!’ 

It took about 20 minutes for the two of them to each get washed and dried, changing into clothes that were comfortable and still warm since the weather had been rather cold over the last few weeks. The other two were sitting on the sofa talking quietly when they finally came back out loaded with scarves and Jaehyun had a rucksack over his shoulder. Doyoung stood up upon seeing them while Yuta remained seated, ‘You both good to go?’ Doyoung asked, to which Taeyong nodded, ‘As ready as we’ll ever be, I guess. It’s not everyday you go to speak with your ex-husband/ best friend and his fiancé to apologise for hurting him behind his back. I just hope it all goes well.’ Jaehyun nodded in agreement, ‘Yeah me too, we’ve been wanting this for a while now. And we don’t want to hurt him anymore.’ 

Yuta stood suddenly, looking at them pointedly, ‘But if you do somehow hurt him all over again, don’t think you will ever get anything from me. That’s a promise. You both hurt that man enough for a lifetime, many of us hurt him for lying to him, thinking he knew. You don’t get to just apologise and be forgiven, that must be earned and even then, don’t expect anything in return.’ He turned to Doyoung, ‘I’ll message Mark to tell him that they’re coming.’ One last stern look was the only thing he gave them before pressing a kiss to Doyoung’s cheek and leaving the apartment, turning on his phone. ‘Why the fuck is he so scary at times?’ Jaehyun asked, staring after the Japanese man, ‘Don’t ask me, it’s just you two that he acts like that around, he loves everyone else.’ Doyoung shrugged, ‘Now come on, or you’ll miss your chance!’

* * *

‘I don’t know if I can do this Mark… I don’t think I can do this.’ Johnny was sitting beside Mark in the back corner of the café, nursing his cup of coffee in front of him, staring at the door every time the bell chimed for someone’s entrance or exit. ‘Hey, hey, hey Johnny! Yes you can! You do this and all the pain and all the suffering you have felt over the last 5 years may finally begin to heal. You don’t even have to forgive them now, but if they talk will you listen?’ He had taken one of Johnny’s hands in his rubbing circles on his skin, ‘I’ll listen but I don’t know if I can do any more than that… you’ll be right here won’t you?’ You won’t leave?’ Mark shook his head, ‘I’m not leaving, I wouldn't dream of doing that. I couldn't put you through that situation!’ Johnny let out a very small smile, the corners of his mouth tilting up, ‘Gods I love you so much!’ Mark chuckled, leaning in to kiss Johnny quickly, ‘Yeah I love you too you giant!’ 

The front door chimed, alerting to someone’s entrance, which had Johnny, turning to look and sitting up straight after spotting the two other men. ‘Relax, I’m here..’ Mark held his hand under the table as Taeyong and Jaehyun made their way to the table, sitting down opposite them with minor smiles on their faces, ‘Hi guys, how are you both today?’ 

Mark, God bless his Mark, for beginning the conversation! 

‘We’re both doing alright thank you. Work has been a bit busy for the both of us over the last week or so so it’s been hectic. How are you guys doing?’ Taeyong asked, glancing over both Mark and Johnny with his question. ‘I would say we are doing alright. There were some missing outfits on our last shoot the other day which had our photographer and designer very agitated but it was fun for us. We had time to relax and eat snacks after a long day of shooting.’ Johnny nodded along in agreement, taking a sip of his coffee when he felt eyes on him. He struck up a bit of courage within himself, ‘I listened to one of the shows the other day while driving into town, the segment with the jokes was funny. Who knew people had such awful pickup lines?’ 

Jaehyun looked momentarily surprised before replying, ‘Yes it was funny, I swear I almost cried with some of them, even though they were such stupid jokes and pickup lines, they shouldn’t have been funny but they were!’ They both chuckled, Johnny couldn’t help it, it had been a really funny show that he’d listened to. ‘Would you like to go and order yourselves a drink? We’ve kept you from getting one.’ Mark said, after they’d finished laughing to themselves. ‘Yes that would be nice, what would you like? Jaehyun asked, ‘I’ll have a hot chocolate please!’ Jaehyun laughed, ‘Should have known!’ Before getting up and heading to the counter. 

Johnny surprised himself with another ounce of courage, ‘Hey baby would you like to get us another drink?’ He could tell Mark was amazed that Johnny was willing to be alone with Taeyong and stood with a smile, ‘Yes please, would you like another americano or something else?’ Johnny nodded his head, ‘Nah get me a cappuccino or something similar and get what you want alright!’ Mark wandered away after Johnny handed him his card to pay with, leaving the two of them alone.

Johnny could see that Taeyong was nervous, he’d started pulling at the skin below his lip like he always used to do and he’d usually do it until he’d made it bleed. ‘You’ll make it bleed if you keep doing that you know. It’s happened before.’ Taeyong looked up, like a deer caught in headlights, dropping his hand from near his mouth with a small embarrassed laugh, ‘Yeah, I forget that I do it, it’s just a habit. It’s like you pulling at your knuckles.’ Johnny looked down, and as Taeyong mentioned, there he was, pulling at the skin of his knuckles, ‘You caught me, yeah habits aren’t easy to get rid of are they?’ Taeyong shook his head, ‘No they aren’t.’ 

A silence took over them then, each man looking away from the other, feeling the awkwardness of the situation. Johnny had been watching the people walking around outside when Taeyong spoke again, ‘How have you been Johnny, really been?’ His voice was soft and quiet and shaky, it must have taken some effort to speak up. Johnny thought over Taeyong’s question: How was he? ‘I’m doing ok. Things were hard and I was upset and I was angry but I’m getting better… How are you?’ He shrugged, ‘I am more or less the same really, um well me and Jae, we’re together, but erm, I guess you already knew that though didn’t you?’ Johnny nodded, feeling some ugly sarcasm wanting to burst forth but he held it inside. ‘Yeah I knew you were together.’ The silence took place again, this time longer and questions were lingering on Johnny’s mind that he needed answers for if they were going to get anywhere after this point. 

‘Look Taeyong, you don’t need to say much but let me ask you this– Did I do something wrong for you to no longer want me, for you to want Jaehyun instead? Because I have spent the last 5-6 years of my life wondering what I did wrong and I need to know.’ He was trying so hard not to cry and all he wanted was Mark by his side, but he needed to do this right now or he never would. Taeyong had looked horrified when Johnny asked his question, shaking his head rapidly, ‘No, no, Johnny I promise you, that in this whole, wrong, fucked up mess we created that none of it was your fault at all. I did love you for many years and I really don’t remember how it all started. I just remember that after a while, it just felt natural being around Jaehyun and being intimate with him when you weren’t around and we just started seeing each other; But I can promise you that I never intended for any of it to happen while I was with you. I never tried to get with Jaehyun, it just happened over time, until neither of us could resist.’

Johnny had to breathe heavily through his nose for a moment or two, taking in what his ex had said. Yes he felt betrayed and hurt by Taeyong, but if the world had used it as a way to give Mark to him then he would take it as it was. ‘Ok, that’s all I wanted to know but I don’t understand why you didn’t just tell me that you wanted out of the relationship, out of the marriage. It would have easier on all of us and I wouldn’t have come to hate you both like I did. It would have been so much easier Taeyong, so why didn’t you?’ 

Taeyong looked very apologetic, ‘I guess when it first happened, I thought it was only going to be a once off thing with him, so I would stay with you and be happy and I’d still have you in my life. Then it was just the security you gave me, a stable house, a stable income on both our ends, just the person, the partner I’d been with for so many years already. I guess I just didn’t think about how much it would hurt you until it did and I’m so incredibly sorry, for everything Johnny. I broke your heart. I broke your friendship with your best friend and I’m sorry and I know that sorry won’t make it better, but I hope it's a start, because 5 years ago I never got to say sorry and I wish I had.’ He looked, smaller than he normally did. ‘I really am sorry Johnny.’ 

Johnny looked out the window, out onto the street to try and collect his thoughts. He didn’t understand Taeyong’s reasoning fully, but the fact that Taeyong knew that he’d hurt Johnny and had apologised for everything, made Johnny’s heart marginally lighter than 15 minutes ago. ‘I accept your apology, but understand that it might take a long time before I forgive it. Can you do that for me, the last thing for me?’ Taeyong nodded vigorously looking close to tears, similar to how Johnny felt tears welling up in his eyes. ‘Yeah I can do that.’ 

‘Joooohnny, here’s your cappuccino, I hope it’s alright!’ Mark slid into the seat beside him, placing a big old take away cup in front of him, which steamed through the drinking hole at the top. ‘Thank you baby, what did you get?’ Mark hummed around a massive take away cup of chocolate and cream and marshmallows, ‘Oh it’s this heavenly chocolate orange hot chocolate! It is heavenly! Wait I said that twice, anyway try some! It’s insane!’ He pushed the cup closer to Johnny who chuckled, taking a careful sip of the hot drink. Mark was right, it was heavenly, the nicest hot chocolate he’d had in a long time. ‘Ok now that’s incredible for a hot chocolate. I’ve never had one like it before.’ 

He looked back over to Taeyong, who was happily sipping on his own drink looking far more comfortable than when he’d first sat at the table while Jaehyun was glancing between the two of them looking even more nervous if it were possible.

‘I think it would be nice to go and walk around the park opposite, it’s pretty decent weather, so it would be a shame to waste it. Should we go?’ Mark agreed instantly, with the other two men saying yes as well, so the four of them all bundled back into their coats and scarves before exiting the café, drinks in hand. Johnny had been right, for even though it was cold, the sun was still shining and there was not much wind, making it practically perfect for walking and practically perfect for what he wanted to do. ‘Mark love, can you take Taeyong ahead please. Distract him for a little bit while we talk?’ He whispered into Mark’s ear, his fiancé being the gorgeous man he was, quickly spotted a dog, which he dragged Taeyong over to, to ask the owner if they could give pets, leaving Jaehyun and Johnny alone as they watched their partners. 

They walked in silence for a while, just watching as Mark led Taeyong from one dog to another, conversation with owner to conversation with owner. No one would have believed at that moment that those two men were 34 and 38 respectively, but that’s what Mark was, boundless energy even for being 34 and it never stopped him and Johnny loved him for it. He was a breath of fresh air in the midst of black smoke. 

‘How is everyone at the station doing? Miss me?’ Jaehyun huffed, ‘They are all doing fine, Helen and Jude are getting married in a couple of weeks and Juno got added to the main cast of Tuesday stations. Everyone misses you dude, it’s not the same without you around.’ Jaehyun blushed, obviously not meaning to say that much but Johnny couldn’t help but feel a bit smug that they missed him, apparently Jaehyun included. ‘I’m glad for them, it’s about time and baby Juno’s growing up. I feel like a proud dad- I mean how many Saturday’s did we spend there trying to teach her about how to use the desk? I swear it was like 5-6 Saturdays right? Jaehyun took a sip of his coffee, ‘Yeah it must have been that many and the poor girl still didn’t fully understand it all but she is great now and definitely knows how to keep an audience. Her shows do really well most of the time!’ 

There was a moment of silence while the two of them just took sips of their drinks before Johnny spoke again.

‘I think Taeyong and I are fine now. We’ve sorted some shit out, some questions I needed answering and we’re ok, but Jaehyun I don’t know how to act around you now. My closest friend going behind my back, giving me advice that you knew was just making the lie worse for both of you. I asked Taeyong this– Why didn’t you tell me? Taeyong said it was mainly for security reasons but I want to know your excuse for all this shit because it hurt, it hurt for a long time and I was so angry at you. I think I still might be, only slightly but it’s still here. So why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I was a coward and I thought that if you never found out you couldn’t be hurt and I was an idiot because I still maintained my statement, that you were my best friend and that I’d never hurt you but by being with the love of your life, I was already doing it. I have no other reason than being a coward, being selfish. I think I wanted you both, I wanted to be with Yong but I still wanted you as my friend. You and me, we’d been with each other for so long that I guess I thought that nothing could change that- not even your husband sleeping with me, because it was me and I was your best friend. I had this childish mentality, that you would just magically be ok with it but you weren’t and I helped ruin us. All three of us.’ 

Johnny took another long sip of his hot coffee, ‘It doesn't work like that Jae, and it wasn’t even you sleeping with him that was the worst thing. It was that you were both lying to me straight to my face all the time, making me feel so stupid that I hadn’t seen it before in the way you both acted around each other. And it hurt hearing from Yuta that you were still together for quite a while but I got over it, steadily and surely because I had Mark. He understood– understands and he’s never tried to push me and has never been angry that I can’t trust him, he knows that my trust isn’t complete and yet he still stays and he’s willing to marry me and that’s now all I want. Me and him for life.’ 

Jaehyun hummed, kicking a stray football back to a set of teenagers, ‘I’m sorry Johnny, I don’t know how many times you want me to say it but I’m sorry; me and Taeyong have spoken many times about this, about what we’d say and how we’d say it and I don’t know if he said anything along these lines, but even though I regret hurting you the most in the world, I don’t regret Taeyong- I don't think I could but I truly regret how much my actions hurt you and how traumatised it’s made you. So for now all I can say is I’m sorry and I hope you can forgive me one day.’ Johnny could hear sincerity in his former? friend’s voice and taking one last sip of his coffee, turned to face Jaehyun, the two of them stood still, ‘I said this exact thing to Taeyong earlier when you and Mark were getting our drinks and now I’m going to say it to you. I accept your apology, but understand that it might take a long time before I forgive it.’ He sighed, turning to begin walking again.

‘There is a lot of trauma that I wasn’t able to get rid of for a while, I had to go to therapy again and I was  _ very _ angry and all I could think of was that I hated you, both of you but over the years, when I’ve thought about it and thought about it, I’ve realised that I don’t hate you guys anymore but it will take time to forgive you, I want to forgive you but it will take time. And I don’t know when Mark and I will be going back to Canada or if we’re going back to Canada any time soon. We’ll have to wait and see.’

* * *

The meeting ended soon after that, there had been some unexpected hugs from Mark, and Johnny and Jaehyun shook hands before Johnny and Mark headed off. Taeyong could see the tension had gone from the way Johnny carried himself after speaking with Jaehyun, he didn’t know what had been said between them and he didn’t really need to. Having their apologises on the private side seemed to make them more sincere in a way that Taeyong couldn’t really explain when they began their walk home, both feeling lighter and relieved. ‘I haven’t felt so carefree in so long because of this, every time I thought of seeing him, my mind always took me to a place where he wanted absolutely nothing to do with us and I was never able to say I’m sorry, but now I have and it feels freeing and in no way can we ever forget what we did but as long as we have some kind of redemption in Johnny’s eyes, then that’s all I can hope for.’ Jaehyun wrapped his arm around Taeyong’s shoulders, ‘You spoke my mind my love. I feel the exact same way, I don’t care how long it takes, I want my friend back and even if it’s the smallest steps, I hope to someday get there.’ 

~ 2 years later~

‘Taeyong love, we have a card to open! Come and open it with me!’ Taeyong wandered into the kitchen from where he’d been getting ready for a party that evening. ‘Do you know who it’s from?’ He asked, picking up the envelope from the side, ‘No there wasn’t a return address or anything on it other than ours.’ Taeyong hummed, opening the letter, There was a postcard inside, a pretty picture of a snowy scene on the front with a polar bear cub; he smiled, showing it to Jae, who was hovering at his side. ‘Cute.’

After he flipped it over, his eyes immediately filled with tears, turning into Jaehyun's arms, dropping the postcard back on the table as they both cried together…

  
  


_ ‘I forgive you _ __   
_   
_ __ \- Johnny :)’


End file.
